Fast Forward

I can't believe my last musing was almost a year ago.  

Actually I can.  These past few months have been an absolute blur. Husband and I welcomed our very first baby, a girl (!), back in December and I swear I blinked and I was here- 5 months later.  

A friend once told me "the days are long, but the years are short" and if these last few months are any indiction of how fast it actually can go, i may wake up tomorrow and have a kid ready to graduate high school.  

I recently (read:today) felt like I had my shit together enough to jot down some thoughts and musings about my new life.  I have to act in the moment.  If I don't do it the minute it pops into my head, it doesn't get done.  That's just life.  That's just how it is.  And I'm ok with that. 

When my writing dropped off, I was nearing my third trimester of pregnancy and getting ready to do that whole 'nesting' thing.  I stopped teaching my yoga classes about a month before I was due because my body was starting to slow down, the holidays were fast approaching and I was about to have my parents set up shop in my house for a few weeks to help with the new little addition.  Turns out, she wasn't in a rush.  I was 8 days late. I felt my very first contraction on a Sunday at midnight and she didn't make her appearance until Tuesday at 8pm.  

Once baby girl showed up, I had to fight hard to keep up! My days and nights were a blur of feedings and diaper changes.  I was thrust into a new role where my boss was an 8 pound tyrant that yelled and screamed at me every time I didn't move fast enough or get her what she wanted as soon as she wanted it. I would be lying if I didn't say there were times when I didn't know who cried more... her or me... but we made it through.  We both had to figure out how to maneuver in this new world that we created... where she was my baby and I was her mama. And I think we both acclimated quite well.  

So here we are... baby girl will be 5 months old in one week.  I've experienced emotions that have ranged from sheer terror, to unbelievable desperation, to overwhelming frustration to mind-blowing love in these past few months. This baby has mirrored my insecurities and shown me my strengths. And one thing I have definitely become aware of is that even though I'm an integral part of this two-some, I am ready to take back little pieces of me one day at a time. 

One day last week I unrolled my yoga mat and actually spent 20 minutes practicing something that loosely resembled yoga.  I've strapped the babe to my chest and committed to mile long walks. I've sat outside and read books (well, started and stopped the same chapter numerous times) during nap times. Most importantly, I've opened up my laptop and started writing.  

As I fumble my way along this new path, I want to write about it.  I want to have it to look back on and laugh at. I want this adventure to be documented. Because one day, that little baby will be out on her own.  One day I won't need to fit in writing during naps and I'll have hours of time to practice yoga and my walks won't have her company.  And I'll want to remember all of it. Every last detail. 

Because, yes, the days are long... but the years will most definitely be short. 

Scenes of a monday night:

Re-runs of Friends streaming on Netflix.

Half eaten bag of Cheetos on my nightstand. 

Favorite pajamas on. 

Dog curled up by my feet.

And me… lounging front and center in my bed.  

Current mood:

Head spinning. 

Reason:

Pregnancy. 

Ok, so I’m not exactly in full-tilt stress mode.  I’ve actually wrapped my head around the fact that I am, indeed, expecting my own little bouncing bundle of joy in the next few months.  What is throwing me for a loop is the fact that I kind of have no idea what I’m doing.  

I don’t know how to change a diaper.  I don’t get the whole swaddling thing.  When I was little, I ditched my dolls when something better came along.  I never really embraced the whole ‘mommy’ thing.  

As I got older, I hit all of the traditional milestones in a timely fashion.  Graduate college.  Land a fancy job.  Move into an apartment.  Marry my boyfriend of 6 years.  Travel.  But baby?  Not so much.  

I enjoyed our lifestyle very much.  My husband and I adopted a few animals along the way and they were about all the responsibility I was comfortable with.  We got a lot of questions.  

“So, when are you two going to have some kids?”

“Have you thought about adding a two-legged one to your family?”

“All of your friends are having kids, when are you guys thinking of doing it?”

“Are you getting any urges?” (said to me while holding a family member’s baby)

I got a lot of pressure from people, but I was quick to shake it off.  Throughout my 20s I held fast to not wanting kids.  And before you begin to wonder, my husband felt that way too.  I like kids, I just never considered them a part of my future. 

Fast forward: I’m in my early 30s.  My husband’s biological clock started ticking.  I put it off for 3 years.  And now I’m in bed.  Pregnant.  

I really took my time and thought long and hard.  I asked friends hundreds of questions.  I mulled it over in my head for hours a day.  I wondered if my lacking skills and knowledge would be a problem.  When I finally said I was ready to try, it only took a couple short (very short!) months until I saw that little pink plus sign.  Ready or not, here comes baby. 

So one of the reasons I decided to start this blog is to chronicle my adventures of complete confusion along this extremely unknown path.  

One day, I’ll look back and laugh.  Or use as blackmail against my future teenager.  Who knows?  Perhaps blogging about baby will one day replace the whole ‘naked baby in a bathtub’ pictures parents are quick to whip out and show their child’s prom date.  

If you would have asked me a year ago where I'd be, I never would have imagined I'd be where I am, right now.  

This year, 2015, has brought tremendous changes to my life.  When I was younger I wrote a lot.  I'm feeling the need to go back to that.  Here goes...

I'm a 30-something girl, married to my best friend.  He's my rock.  Speaking of rock, I love rock music.  I am obsessed with my dog and two cats.  I talk to myself.  I don't think enough people appreciate the art of napping.  I watch re-runs of I Love Lucy.  My favorite ice-cream is mint chip.  I hate grocery shopping.  Husband and I just moved into our first home.  We're expecting a baby.  Our first.  And most of the time I realize I actually have no idea what I'm doing- but I find it more fun that way.  

Heres' to a new journey.  The beginning of a new path.  The next steps in life.  

Here's to just figuring it all out.